Wednesday, October 13, 2004

Flailing About

We had a really hot and, at times, windy day yesterday...reminiscent of the fire storm in the Oakland hills back in 1991. Yesterday as the work day wound down for us and I went outside to mail our mail it seemed everything was hazy. I kept thinking my glasses were dirty or maybe the construction guys had raised a dust storm...except there wasn't any construction going on right then. When I got back to the office Janice told me that the smoke from fires out aways was fanning in on us. It was worrisome. A 29,500-acre wildfire in Napa and Yolo counties is what is being said in the news. It was so hot that Dennis and I dispensed with our feather bed and just used sheets. Except, I don't sleep comfortable much anymore and I especially didn't sleep comfortable last night. Fluffy insists on lying at the foot of the bed and she is one rather large cat. Also, one of my pillows went missing. Maybe Dennis has it. Then, I had to keep going to the, finally I just stayed up.

Rambling. I'm reading Barbara Robinette Moss' book, "Change me into Zeus' Daughter" right now. It'll be the second time for me. The first time was one of those watershed moments when you read something that brings a whole lot of trauma up for you. I wrote her then, though I can't seem to find the letter anymore. But, I remember telling her it was a wonderful book. Anyway, a week or so ago I got a little note from her saying her new book, "Fierce" was out and if I was interested in reading it she'd also be interested in what I thought. So, I've checked out and am reading the first book now. The library doesn't have the 2nd one yet, so I'll probably buy it. Pretty amazing lady.

I had a thought that this blog should be the back story of the channeling that I do and I should reserve more private musings for other journals. Or, we could actually do some channeling her....moreso than I've done to date. But, for some reason right now either the guides aren't leaping into the void...or are content to watch me flail about. Somebody just said, "The flailing about part is fine." I'm not feeling all that well right now. I've got a doctor's appointment early next month. My sense is my diabetes or the high blood pressure or something isn't quite right. Yesterday, while I did some shopping at Albertson's I got dizzy a couple of times. It was unsettling. Also, at work, all day yesterday I was terribly uncomfortable. The day just seemed to drag on forever. I'd just finished reading the first in a series of books yesterday called, "At Home in Mitford" by Jan Karon. I'm in love again. Anyway, I've ordered up the 2nd book in the series and have included her, along with Barbara R. Moss, in my list of recommended writers. Anyway, the Episcopalian priest in the story is diabetic and isn't paying enough attention (remind you of someone?) to taking care of himself. And, the next day I get dizzy? And, if you figure that everything you run into is an opportunity for you to learn something I had a sense in that book of rubbing elbows with folks who consider a spiritual life to be important. It was refreshing. I mean, here I am with the guides all day who are some of the most spiritual people I can think of and me. Who grouses around...hollers at grouchy...can't talk to people right...I'm one of the least spiritual people around...and, I'm relaying on what these really spiritual teachers have to say? Something wrong with this picture. The sense, though, that I got from the book was it's okay to try. There's something rearing up from childhood here. And, it's hard to look at. But, it was almost like the characters in Jan Karon's books (who aren't real) reach out in such a way to be real and interesting enough to deliver a good lesson. So, I should be open to it? Yes. If we might say something, Dear? Please...I'm floundering here. We noticed. This blog, as it is referred to, is essentially a journal of sorts. And, technically a journal might be considered a place to flail about getting your thoughts in order to move out and conduct your life in a planned and orderly fashion. In that sense you are fulfilling the idea of blog. But, as a back story to your channeling experience it leaves something to be desired, for who would, in their right mind, be interested to read the musings of somebody flailing about in the dark hours before dawn? We would recommend to you that you be open to the idea of keeping two journals. One with your more than private musings and another with those you will consider to be your backstory. We do not, in the least, mind bouncing about between notebooks, as it were.

Okay, that sounds good to me. Thanks.

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