Sunday, December 30, 2007

Where I Consider Resolutions

I’m not too sure what I want to do. It’s interesting to me that during the course of any year, lately anyway, that ideas to do things sort of spring upon me and I either act upon them then or I don’t. I also don’t lose a lot of sleep over this process. If something sounds sort of difficult to manage at the point of inspiration I typically put it on a back-burner and return to it later on where I might or might not have had a revelation about how to proceed.

The idea, though, is to allow these ideas room to grow. And, I, being the one in charge of my life can either act upon them or not.

Except when the new year rolls around. That’s when I start looking at my feet while I’m dancing and inevitably start tripping myself up.

Stupid resolutions. I never keep them. It sounds like a good idea at the time, but it’s a sort of forced idea. It doesn’t flow naturally from where I am now to where I’d like to be at the end of the year. I don’t know that I’ve ever kept a single resolution that I made. To be generous I would imagine some of the ideas I had eventually did pay off and I actually did end up keeping them, but if you ask me now I really can’t remember any of them.

The thing that I think does work is that I can remember I am constantly in motion. I know that I’m not exactly the same person now that I was at the beginning of this year.

For one thing I am calmer. Now, why is that? I’m not sure. But, it’s a good thing. Believe me, it’s a much better thing. It might have to do with the fact that my husband is a lot calmer. He quit his job in April to write full time. At first I was panic stricken. Slowly, though, I moved through the panic, faced some of my own personal demons, and got over it. Maybe that was the key thing to do.

Anyway, that’s sort of off the point. The idea is that I’m calmer now than I was before. I’ve got all kinds of hopes for the new year. I guess that’s where that old phrase, “Hope springs eternal” comes from. So do resolutions.

So, while I will likely make a few resolutions this year maybe I can school myself to reconsider them when my fortitude to keep them appears to be flagging. Maybe at the point (probably 2 weeks into the new year) where I suddenly begin to lose interest in losing weight I am able to encourage myself without shaming myself into continuing on. Maybe a small quiet meditation would be the ticket.

I could center myself. I could move inside to where I, like all of us are, am perfect just the way we are. The center of soul. That part of us that continues through each lifetime, that moves with determination and with purpose into and out of the many lifetimes we have had. The inner part of us that does not fear, that understands beyond belief, that has a personal and permanent connection to Source. I want to be there just for a moment or two to connect again with who I really am. The stuff in this lifetime is the clothes I am wearing. The stuff at the center is me naked; where flab is not so important, where wrinkles don’t matter, where what really matters is love and creativity and laughter. If I connect for a few moments I believe I can come away from the encounter and be a little kinder towards myself and by extension to everybody in my life.

Happy New Year Everybody.

1 comment:

Donna said...

What a wonderful and Happy way to feel about your life. I'm all about "happy". We go through so many horrible things here on earth that I simply got tired of all the analysing. Religion no longer does it for me. I wanted answers to my life. Shockandbedamn!!! All those answers were inside of me all along! How FUN! Goals? Not me. It's one day at a time here. I love what God has given me(good and bad). I'm growing spiritually, every day. What a blast I'm having! Hope you're New Year is full of Happiness and the brightest light ever! Love and laughter...ain't it grand? LOL