It used to be when I was younger, when I did drugs and drank and later, as I got older and stopped doing drugs, but continued to drink I realized I was trying to alter my reality. It was in that boozy place that every once in awhile I could feel a little bit of that other place. I knew it was there. It wasn’t just the whole big world. It was a place in my head and heart. It was a bigger place I didn’t normally walk about in. It was a glimpse of another reality.
Then came the day when I didn’t want to touch the stars in a false way anymore. I didn’t want to go there with drugs or drink. I wanted the real thing. What I had with the artificial things was a way to get there, but there was a nightmarish quality about it. I wanted to remember. I wanted to participate fully. I wanted to talk to God.
That’s when I began to search. Although the path I was on meandered quite a bit I realize now that it was the best way for me to get here. I’m happy. I have a different relationship now with my higher self, with the Guides, with Folk in Spirit.
I believe in the power of prayer. I think of the people who come to my sites carrying anguish in their hearts and even though they might never say a blessed word to me I include them in my prayers in the dead of night. I ask that the universe be kind to them if it is at all possible or permissible. I ask that they be able to recognize peace and participate more fully in whatever is best for them. I ask that their paths be as smooth as they can possibly handle. I know if you’ve got to get somewhere you can either do it the hard way or the easy way. It’s the responsibility of the person to make their own choices, but I haven’t given up that Spirit won’t help us in times of need.
I can’t give you a number for the people I pray for. There were times when I’d forget someone and feel bad when I did remember, but the guides said that everybody who needed my prayers were always there whether I consciously remembered them or not. I was comforted by that thought and continue my prayers.
Sometimes in the dead of night I throw my thoughts, my heart, my energies out there to bind with other healers working too, to help them, to help my folks, to help their folks. It’s like a network. I’ve never met any of them, but it is on faith that I feel they are already there.
And, through it all, I send my prayers out for those I don’t even know, who might be in need of something.
I’m not sure if this is the right way to do it, but I’m drawn to it. Sometimes I would wonder if I was just delusional about the whole thing, but even if it was spitting into the wind I feel I would still do it.
And, I would take whatever healing and peace was out there for my own. I pray quietly. I’ve never talked about how I pray.
I get quiet. I am quiet. I pretend I feel the energies. I sense an updraft moving up and out from me. A wonderful drift of smoke that I can see. It’s not really smoke, but it moves like it. It’s essence. I follow it. Up out to undulate upon the night sky. Above the city. Above the lights. No longer can I see the traffic. My face is turned now to see the other wisps of energy, of thought, of other prayer that rises up and away.
There’s a net, a web, an intersecting mesh of fragile cord. All of us out there. Our essence joined in purpose, in love. Everybody out there a part of what makes the world. Not just healers everybody. What do you do when you get there? Participate. Enjoy. And, when you come back? Wonder if it was real. Pretend it was.