Setting the stage now is important to the rest of the story. Lately, I’ve been stressed. I feel it has to do with my work. I have taken on more responsibility and it is hard for me. I do know with time it will all work out. I have to say it is a whole lot better now than it was for me 6 months ago, so there is improvement. But, something just isn’t the same. That something might be my overall outlook on life. It could just be this miasma that I’m looking through all the time. Just sort of blah like. Worse than blah like.
Yesterday I went to Curves. It’s only a half an hour to go around the circuit as they call it. You work 30 seconds on a machine, leap off when the lady on the tape says to change stations, jog in place for 30 seconds and then get on another machine. Sometimes there are ladies there. Mostly, I just mind my own business.
I wasn’t all that excited about being there. I know I should be going 3 times a week, but for ages now I’ve only been going once a week. Because I don’t engage in the sociable thing with the other members I instead talk to my guides. Usually, it’s just sort of quick things back and forth. The conversations don’t really count as major channeled messages, but I treasure the time and they mean a lot to me.
After all these years I really haven’t gotten the prayer thing down. I’ve got the standard Our Father and Hail Mary from my childhood and those are somewhat comforting. I try to remember to pray for all the people I know who are sick. I sometimes pray for those in need I don’t even know personally or who haven’t contacted me who have visited my sites. Sort of a group collective prayer. I don’t know that any of the prayers work. Actually, I don’t know that my prayers would have any influence at all with a person’s condition. So, I send them out with a proviso that I learned from my Reiki training and that is if the person can use the help I will offer up what I can. I know my guide has told me that all prayers are heard, but there has never been any concrete proof for me. So, it is entirely an act of faith.
Another thing is that I keep trying to be with God. I try and try and yet at work I am angry and stressed and very often find myself saying bad words much more often than I used to do. One day this last week driving to work our conversation centered in on how many times I called people assholes on the one 10 minute drive to work. I don’t feel good. I don’t feel worthy. I just feel wretched a lot of the time.
The reason I am spilling my guts here is I don’t imagine that I am very much different from a lot of people especially with the added stresses everybody has with everything else that is going on in people’s lives. Things like the economy, terrorism, global warming…I could go on, but it’s too much like watching the news.
So, yesterday I was at Curves. I don’t remember all of the conversation I had. I remember somebody in Spirit who said something about doing it for them, like I could dedicate my workout to God. I thought of people like some of my relatives who I think live their lives pretty much doing everything for God. I know there are other people around who do things that way and who appear to be at peace with it. I toyed with the idea and then because it didn’t feel right to me to do that right then I just continued on with my workout.
Then the voice in my head took a different tack with me. It was something about instead of striving, pushing, straining, yearning to be in God’s grace to just sort of embrace it. I didn’t have to prove myself. I didn’t have to be good to be there. I could just go and be in God’s grace. I didn’t have to earn it. I could just collapse into that grace. I didn’t have to pray all day and be a good girl. I could still say bad words when I really felt I needed to and be stressed at work and I could just be in God’s grace. And, for a moment or two I was. The voice in my head said it was like falling into grace, like falling in love.
And, because it’s been awhile since I’ve channeled and because I’m such a ditz at actually remembering the things they say to me I think I’ll turn it over to my guides and folk in Spirit.
Good morning. Every one of you has a view of reality. It is through this belief that you experience life. There are big rules and there are smaller rules, but all of them lie in accordance with each other to produce a smooth base upon which to live your life. A lot of these rules come from the people who first influenced you as a child. It is through those experiences that a person might as an adult come to feel themselves to be entitled and to have everything good come their way almost effortlessly. It is what they expect. There are others who might feel that everything in life is a struggle and for them the difficulties experienced in life are many.
These are simplistic views, but perhaps you get the idea. For many people their view of a higher spirit or other spirit comes from the exposure they had as children. Many times this exposure is enough for them to last through their entire lifetime. Others might turn to other teachings and find greater comfort there. Others might shun the idea of a higher self or spirit entirely. There is no right way or wrong way here. You have the gift of choice in all that you do.
The holy spirit of God, the idea of your higher self, the peace you seek has and will always be there for you. Give up your expectations. These are the rules you use to structure your lives for a brief moment. Take a deeper than usual breath. Let it out slowly and pretend just for the briefest of moments that the peace, the loving serenity of God’s grace is there for you too.