Farts

I wanted to write this down before I forget it. It’s 2:00 am right now and I was lying awake and suddenly sleepless in bed about an hour ago. The kids next door were having a Friday night hoot and were making noise. Not bad, but enough that I went around closing the windows. But, after I’d gone back to bed I still couldn’t get back to sleep. Not that any of this has anything really to do with the story; it just sort of sets the stage for it.

A phenomenon of getting older or, perhaps, of getting fatter is that I seem to fart a lot. Not that you’d notice it during the day. I’m the perfect model of proper behavior at work. But, I’ve noticed in recent years that as I awaken, as I stretch and slowly come awake, I also move a lot of air. So, here I am lying in bed. Can’t sleep, wishing the kids would go home and I farted. I mentioned to Seth that it seemed like my blood pressure had even gone down as I farted; it was that powerful. He said, “And, we can assure you there was a corresponding rise of blood pressures in the immediate vicinity.” Maybe you had to be there, but I thought it was funny.