Sometimes You Just Gotta Laugh

Okay….just a quick guided sick humor moment. I’m making a links page for Talking To Spirit on Aging. I add them when it occurs to me something might be interesting. Anyway, my thoughts turned to humor and so, I found myself at a jokes page for seniors. The archives begin in 1999, but only go to 2000. I’m thinking to myself, “What’s up with that?” Somebody in Spirit said, “He died.”

More on looking for stuff to put on my Aging page and I came across a site that talks about things folks write on tombstones. Here are a few that made me laugh:

Memory of an accident in a Uniontown, Pennsylvania, cemetery:
Here lies the body of Jonathan Blake: Stepped on the gas Instead of the brake.

In a Georgia cemetery: "I told you I was sick!"

Anna Hopewell's grave in Enosburg Falls, Vermont:
Here lies the body of our Anna
Done to death by a banana.
It wasn't the fruit that laid her low.
But the skin of the thing that made her go.

Woof

I’m working on a big project this morning.  I’m creating titles, headings and descriptions for each of my archived channelings.  And, I’m into a section about animals and our pets.  This was the piece:  

So, though there isn't necessarily a turtle heaven, a cat, a dog, a horse or a bird heaven, there are places where groups of animals congregate.  But there is also a passing back and forth to realms where there are the souls of people too.

I was puzzling over what to title this.  And, it came to me as a voice from spirit:  Woof Woof.  I knew that was one of our animals speaking.  So, to honor the particular dog that made the suggestion I named it Woof Woof.

Which leads me to a subject I delight in talking about.  Not only can we speak with Folks in Spirit who have passed on...or Folks in Spirit who’ve never even incarnated into body and therefore haven’t passed on, but are just in Heaven (somebody is holding their nose…I suppose I could have phrased that better…but, this is my life as a psychic in this blog, so I will relate how it all comes about…mostly, anyway)…Okay, a procedural thing.  Right off the bat I didn’t know why the guide was holding his nose.  Generally, when they do things like that I’ve either got it wrong or it stinks.  And, in this instance I knew I didn’t have it wrong because they were sort of flowing along for the ride as I was writing it…Spirit at my elbow sort of thing.  I could sense them there.  I knew they were there.  They weren’t talking so much as we were both sort of humming along on the same wave length.  But, when they started holding their nose I knew something wasn’t quite right.  

So, I had to sort of remove myself from what I was doing for a few seconds, quiet down, don’t take offense at the rather tacky gesture of nose holding and try to let the “real” message come to me.  And, it did.  I was being too stilted in how I was writing.  Too academic.  Too something.  I needed to loosen it up a little.  I needed to put on my Saturday morning, we’re going to the county fair today and I’m ready to have some fun hat.  That’s all.  Just loosen up a little.

Anyway, before I was so rudely interrupted what I was trying to say was that not everybody in Spirit has done the reincarnation thing.  A lot have.  There are others who haven’t.  I really can’t tell the difference other than sometimes it just feels higher.  Like there are levels in Heaven.  Anyway, not having a whole lot of experience about it I won’t go into it.  Mostly, it’s just my impressions and I could be wrong.  

In any case, you can talk to the animals in spirit too.  With me they’ve mostly all spoken to me in English.  I was really surprised when it first started happening.  I’ve even, on very rare occasions, been able to channel my cats who have not passed on…the ones who live with DeeDude and I.  That’s more difficult.  Once I remember one of them saying something about how there were the Inside Cats and the Outside Cats and to ask an Inside Cat to eat their dinner out on the patio was almost insulting.  Go figure, but it was important to them.

Put Your Best Foot Forward

I bought two pair of shoes this week at PayLess. My size is not easily found and to find a pair of shoes that feels okay is a red letter day. So, I bought two of them. These are in your basic black and have those lovely old lady Velcro straps on them; just what I wanted. I put on a pair of them this morning, walked into the kitchen and discovered, to my dismay that these shoes fart on linoleum. Good thing the rest of the house is carpeted and that we’ve also got carpets at work.

The other odd foot related thing that happened this morning was that as I was finishing up my shower this morning I smelled a bad smell. It occurred to me that it might be the drain. As I pushed open the door I also had to push the bathroom door closed. It met with a little bit of resistance. Nothing to worry about because I had a number of my shirts hanging off of the door knob and I figured the tail end of one was trailing and getting stuck under the door. Anyway, I poured Clorox into the shower. Again I had to move the bathroom door to get it out of my way and, again, it stuck. That’s when I stepped in shit. Argh….it was mashed under the door, on the carpet, on my foot and maybe on my shirts. Argh. DeeDude came to my rescue. I was mad, stinky, hopping on one foot, couldn’t see, dripping wet and DeeDude came to help me. Dennis said, “Who did that?” I looked at him and said, “Well, it wasn’t me.” There could only have been 4 other guilty parties….Fluffy Drawers, Shelby, Mattie or Samantha. And, of course, none of them looked at all guilty. Cats have a way of doing that. So, life goes on and I need to go to work.

Interestingly enough, not one guide told me to watch out where I was going. Nobody made a strangled guide laughing noise to alert me to the fact that I was about to step in doodoo. Not until just now. So, being psychic doesn’t always pay off.

It Made Me Laugh

Yesterday I had deep planing cleaning done on half of my mouth. Ouch. It still aches. Anyway, I knew that my biorhythms were low, but this morning I just wanted to look at them again. There is a school of thought that goes: schedule surgery and stuff like that to happen when your physical biorhythms are low so that the healing process will be better because your biorhythms are then on the upswing. Anyway, I go have a look again today. Intellectually I was pretty high which helped with all those meetings I had to attend yesterday and the day before and with my work. Physically, I hit rock bottom yesterday and today emotionally I hit rock bottom. I chewed my lip for a couple of seconds.

Then, I scrolled down to see the set of secondary biorhythms. I don't usually look at these too often. They are wisdom, passion and mastery. So, wisdom and mastery were sort of hovering around in the middle of the chart, but passion was rock bottom. One of the guides said right then, "Well, you're just no fun at all, are you?" It made me laugh.

Yawn

About 2 hours of sleep and another meeting this morning.  This afternoon I get the rest of my mouth deep cleaned.  I’m just now able to chew on the side they worked on last week.  Although I ended up gagging 3 times with the nitrous oxide last time I’m still inclined to have it again today.  I’ll remind them the sprayer/sucker arrangement makes me gag and to keep that down to a minimum.  In the old days the dentist would just tell you to spit every once in awhile.  I guess that’s too old fashioned.  Anyway, my ass is dragging and the day has just begun.  I don’t know when was the last time I had 2 hours sleep.

Shift Your Attitude - Channeled Info

If you determine your reality, if it is you who creates the reality that you experience why in the world would you place yourself in the wrong spot?  Take all of this one step further and say to yourself, “Now, that we have determined that I alone create my reality, that I am made of star stuff, that I am as much of Spirit as the Guides and Folk in Spirit I talk to, why would I dump myself in such a dismal place?”  Well, this also brings forward the idea that there is no good or bad, it all just is.  So, you are being polar as you determine that where you live is a dump, that your job sucks, that the people you work with are morons at best and totally insensitive jerks at worst.  

Can you rise above all of this?  It is not going to make it go away, what you might do is change the way you feel about it all.  If you were a movie star do you think all you would hear are the complimentary things people have to say?  Of course not. Just as many people have nasty things to say.  Does the movie star hear them?  Of course they do.  Are they going to cry their eyes out every time somebody says something nasty?  No.  They develop a thick skin.  The insult rolls off of them.  It does not hurt.  At least not once they have learned the trick of not allowing it to hurt them.  They have a determination and a drive to get to wherever they think they need to be.  

If  you were so changed that you just no longer fit at your job or where you live things would move along smartly.  But, for now, they are not moving.  And, you are miserable, or, if not totally miserable, at least somewhat dissatisfied.  Seek to change your outlook.  Have that be your main thought for a few days.  Don’t worry about how to implement this, just think, “My outlook is different now.  I am at peace.  I am happy.” And wait.  What will happen is that you will very gently open up to the idea that things can be different for you.  You will find the things you need to read, you will come across the teachers you need to make this work.  They won’t spend much time in your life.  They will flit across your awareness briefly and lay an egg.  You will become sticky paper that will only attract those ideas which will support you in your desire to be happy.

How to Do An Out of Body Experience OBE

OBE. What is that? It’s an Out of Body Experience. It’s where you sit quietly in your easy chair and you visit some other place. Not all that hard to do. Here’s how: It should be quiet. I like to zone out listening to instrumental music. It is better if it is dark and everybody is asleep. You are sitting in your favorite reclining chair. You could also do this lying down in your bed, but the likelihood of you going to sleep is greater, but if that is your preference, go ahead and do this lying down.

While you are relaxed imagine that you are wiggling the toes of one foot. To get you started you can actually wiggle them to see what it feels like, but then, with your toes quiet just imagine that you are wiggling them. Now, shift your haunch. Just sort of hitch yourself over a little bit, not a big movement, just a very small movement of shifting like you’re trying to get more comfortable. Again, if you need to do this in real life to actually feel it before you imagine doing it, go ahead.

Now, in your mind’s eye swing your foot over the edge of the bed or place them both on the floor if you are sitting in your reclining chair. This is all in your head. Imagine that you are now going to stand up, all still in the imagination of your mind.

Because you are in a room that is known to you and with your eyes closed you could conceivably navigate slowly about the room, still sitting in your chair or lying upon your bed imagine that you are walking in that room. Go out into the hallway in your imagination. If your concentration flags and you miss noticing a couple of steps not to worry, walk on down the hallway and go into another room in your house, a room that you are familiar with; bathroom, kitchen, study, closet, it does not matter. The point here is that you are moving about your own house in your head. You are technically having an out of body experience right now.

As you become comfortable with this you can, in your mind’s eye, step outside of your front door and imagine yourself in flight. Fly around your neighborhood. Use the streets you know to navigate. Fly above the street lights. Fly to the mailbox. Fly to the store. Fly by work. When you are ready to come home just think of home and your bed or chair, and, you will be there. No getting locked out of the house when you are having an OBE. Boom, you are home again.

If you would like to go farther think of somebody you know. This works best in the beginning if you have actually seen their house. You can ask them for permission before hand to do an OBE experiment so that you don’t startle the crap out of them if you actually manage to somehow materialize in their kitchen or that they have a sense of you in their house and wonder where it came from. I think it is sort of like knocking first. Just ask permission to do it.

I once ended up in my sister’s kitchen in Washington state. We live in California. I moved in an OBE experience through her kitchen and into her living room before I was unable to hold the connection any longer. Happy trails.

Street Sweeping

Now, here’s something novel:  http://www.mymotormaid.com/  It’s a brand new website in Berkeley, California, just 3 day’s old.  They will email you with reminders to move your car so you won’t get a ticket on street sweeping days.  So, far there are 5 cities they are doing:  Berkeley, Monterey, San Leandro, El Cerito, San Pablo and Denver, Colorado.  They should have Oakland up in a few days time.  If you want your city included you just let them know.  What a great idea.  

A Nose for News

This is one of those stories, just a quick little story, to illustrate how little privacy a psychic actually has.  

And, for those of you with delicate sensibilities, forgo this post and read something else, for certainly all that you imagine true about psychics will be dashed to pieces in a few seconds.

I was picking my nose and one of the guides said, “It’s only a booger if it sticks to something.”  

The Best of Craig's List

I’ve just discovered something new.  It’s called the Best of Craig’s List.  There was this essay about farting that had me absolutely in stitches.  I emailed it to my husband and sister.  I hesitate to share this with the people I work with since they think I’m not like that at all.  Little do they know.  Well, actually, once upon a time they did know, but that was back in the days when I drank.  I don’t drink anymore.  Hence this more circumspect individual before you now.  I trust that they don’t remember me from those days either since they were drinking too as I recall.  But, water under the bridge.  

An update on my dental work today.  The numbness has worn off, but my jaw is aching.  My teeth, though not loose in their sockets, have undoubtedly been disturbed.  And, I’ve got a headache that won’t go away.  I took a Tylenol with codeine about half an hour ago.  I think I’m going to take another one before I go to bed.

The Dentist

I had laughing gas today. I also got half of my mouth numbed more than it’s ever been numbed in this lifetime. It’s still wearing off. I had the deep cleaning, planing, grinding, gouging, digging, scaling done. All buffed up and looking good right now. Except I still can’t smile very well. It’s sort of lopsided.

The guides were with me on this one. The dentist and the hygienist left me alone with instructions to breathe deeply of the nitrous oxide. I breathed real deep. Normally, I’m all tense and dental experiences are not good for me any day of the week. But, when I found out last month that my dentist used laughing gas I wanted it for me. It cost an extra $65, but I feel it was well worth it. The only down side is I had to have 3 time outs for coughing and gagging.

I had this running conversation with the guides in my head and at one point I remember warning them not to make me laugh. I didn’t want to cough again. The dentist explained to me that they were going to lighten up on the nitrous oxide. When they stopped with the spraying of water and sucking up of saliva I calmed down and he really got going good. I was only in the chair for an hour, so that wasn’t so bad. I couldn’t talk very well afterward and did end up going back to the office for the last hour of work. I figured I wasn’t dying or anything, so I’d best go back to pitch in. I’m glad I did because it was busy.

But, I’ve got a headache now…normal for a trip to the dentist for me, but, so far no aching in the mouth area. I have an appointment for next week to have the other side of my mouth done. Pauline, WAHAINOSPT…those are my initials for today. Pauline, with a headache and in need of sick person’s treatment.

Pauline, GS

This is totally unrelated to what I am doing now which is to find a drop down menu that you don’t have to click a button to make things happen.  Anyway, how I was diverted was to read that whoever had written this particular article had the letters MOS after their name.  I don’t know what MOS stands for, but, I thought I’d like to have some letters after my name and today they would be GS.  That’s grouchy secretary.  Just for today.  Pauline, GS.  Tomorrow, it might be RGS.  Really grouchy secretary.  I could be Pauline, POS.  That’s pissed off secretary.  Or, perhaps, FS.  Fat secretary for days when I’m feeling bloated and down in the dumps.  But, I think GS ought to cover most days.  Back to the menu.

How Old Are You?

My sister emailed me this. It came from her mosaic group.

Do you realize that the only time in our lives when we like to get old is when we're kids? If you're less than 10 years old, you're so excited about aging that you think in fractions."How old are you?" "I'm four and a half!" You're never thirty-six and a half. You're four and a half, going on five! That's the key.

You get into your teens, now they can't hold you back. You jump to the next number, or even a few ahead."How old are you?" "I'm gonna be 16!" You could be 13, but hey, you're gonna be 16!

And then the greatest day of your life . . . You become 21. Even the words sound like a ceremony . . YOU BECOME 21. YESSSS!!!

But then you turn 30. Oooohh, what happened there? Makes you sound like bad milk! He TURNED; we had to throw him out. There's no fun now, you're Just a sour-dumpling. What's wrong? What's changed?

You BECOME 21, you TURN 30, then you're PUSHING 40. Whoa! Put on the brakes, it's all slipping away.

Before you know it, you REACH 50 And your dreams are gone.But wait!!!

You MAKE it to 60. You didn't think you would!So you BECOME 21, TURN 30, PUSH 40, REACH 50 and MAKE it to 60.

You've built up so much speed that you HIT 70!

You get into your 80's and every day is a complete cycle; you HIT lunch; you TURN 4:30; you REACH bedtime. And it doesn't end there.

Into the 90's, you start going backwards; "I Was JUST 92."

Then a strange thing happens. If you make it over 100, you become a little kid again. "I'm 100 and a half!"

Einstein the Parrot

An Entertaining Idea

Okay, here’s an idea. You purchase this service for custom made commercials. For every commercial you have to watch you get to choose what you watch. If you’re interested in learning a language for every commercial break you get to learn a few new words of your chosen language. Or, for people interested in losing weight you get a factoid or an exercise to do. The reinforcement you need to change a habit can come at you every 15 minutes. A positive spin on television. And, the television sponsors do not lose out because they get some of the money you paid the service. And, by a happy coinkeydink this just happens to be my 222nd post.

Clearing The Way

Hey, I lost another pound. That makes 4 this week. The dangerous part of all of this is the weekend backsliding. If I can make it through the weekend without having gained back the weight I lost during the course of the week it will be a good thing. Especially next week where I’m going to have deep scaling cleaning at the dentist. Ouch. I’ve been told it’s so painful they only do half of your mouth at a time. I get the other half done a week later. Figure I’ll be having smoothies to eat for awhile.

So, the weekend? Laundry, of course. Moving forward on our computer project. I’ve shelved the book project. I just can’t get motivated to move into the ding-donged index to edit. I really ought to clean this place up. If I have a clean work area I always feel more motivated to work. Actually, my work areas at work look like disaster areas. I’ve got 1 permanent pile that is about 6 inches deep. It keeps being lopsided as I look for things in it. The problem is that our filing cabinets are full and have been full for several years. So, as we do things and finish them we want to keep the paperwork for later, except there is no place to put it. Eventually, one of these days I’m just going to toss the entire thing.

Every once in awhile I make stabs at it. If we need the stuff again I can print out more info from the internet and from our emails. But, I am purely getting sick and tired of the mess in the office. If we hire somebody to come in (like I hope we will eventually do) it’s just plain embarrassing for me to have somebody new come in and see what a slob I am. It’s happened before. It’s like their eyes get really big and you can use your awesome powers of telepathic communication to overhear their thoughts, “Jesus, they expect me to work here? How can anybody find anything? What’s this joke about a, ‘safe place’ where they keep the important stuff and how come nobody can ever find it? I think there’s something wrong with these people. What if they’re really trying to find a replacement for this lady who’s training me? I don’t think I’m here to help. I think they must be trying to get rid of her. If I was in charge I would have let her go years ago before it got so bad.” Needless to say, I don’t have a real high opinion of myself as far as filing capabilities go. Not today anyway.

Well, take your glasses off and you can’t really focus in on it. Einstein was a mess. So were a lot of other creative, brainy people. You’re just trying to be nice. Yes, I am. Is that a crime? No. But, thanks anyway. I guess we’re channeling now. Yes, it would appear that we are. Do you wish to talk about something in particular this morning? Here? Yes, here. Well, I already talked about how messy I am. Yes, it is born of having to do a lot. Yeah, I suppose. You do not have the opportunity to spend as much time on your duties as you would prefer. As a Virgo you tend to be very particular about what you do and how you do it. This mad slap dashing about offends you to some extent. It gets on your nerves and consequently the messes you leave behind with these not quite finished or interrupted projects is also offensive to you. So, what should I do? Go in on the weekend to finish them up? No, you would be violating company policies and you also have a great deal that you’ve set for yourself to do at home. Our suggestion would be to devote 15 minutes a day, every day for cleaning. You do not have to completely clean or organize entire sections of your study, but you would devote the obligatory 15 minutes every day to doing something. Set the timer. If the timer rings and you are not quite finished, finish up as well you can as quickly as you can and then, the important thing is to forget about it. You will have the satisfaction of having done a little bit toward keeping yourself organized and on track. With time you will begin to see that your work area at home will remain clear and picked up and you will feel good about that all the time. Additionally, as you grow accustomed to doing this picking up you will feel more comfortable about taking the necessary time to do it at work. It will be one of your required duties, if you will, and you will not continue to assign being organized a lighter importance.

You might begin this morning with your desk area. You are going to be spending a good deal of time here this weekend and having this area clean will be helpful to you. For instance, is it really necessary to have 3 containers full of pens and pencils? You only use one at a time. Why don’t you pick out the ones you use most often and have only one container? Also, there are some books on your desk. Why are they there? Are you referring to them now? If not, put them away. There is a dvd on your desk. It’s been there for 3 weeks. It is taking up space. Put it away.

Hey, thanks. You are quite welcome.

A break from Sorting

I’ve got a stack of paper about 300 sheets deep that I’m alphabetizing.  I’ve done about half an inch.  I’m tired, so thought to amuse myself by reporting three ribald pieces of little literature my husband told me.  These are for the bathroom.  These are directed at the men in our lives.  One is a sign.  The other two are poems.

We aim to please.
You aim too, please.

If you sprinkle when you tinkle,
Please be neat and wipe the seat.

No matter how you shake and dance,
The last few drops roll down your pants.

There's More than One Way to Twitch Your Nose

This morning, as with many other mornings, I was surrounded by idiot drivers on my way to work. Generally, they end up right behind me. Finally, they get a tiny little space where they can squeeze by me creating a lane where there was no lane before to speed ahead only to turn off 50 feet farther down the road. This is where I find out how good my blood pressure medicine is. Anyway, the yahoo who was behind me this morning was in a huge truck with darkened windows and bore down upon me like something out of a Stephen King novel. I had this passing thought where I wished I could cast a spell and do something to him, something other than make my lips move to the tune of, “You a**hole” as he sped past me.

Many, many years ago when I first started channeling I remember that Seth had said many people would think I’d become a witch. Now, in the early days of anybody’s channeling the information you get is supposed to be considered suspect just because the guides sort of yank your chain while you are learning…sort of toppling you off whatever mountain you think you’re standing on. So, I hadn’t really lent much weight to that particular announcement.

However, when I was a girl I used to love the television program, “Bewitched”, and many times wanted to be like Samantha Stevens. Just imagine, twitch your nose and wonderful things could happen.

Anyway, I’m still on my way to work this morning after Road Hog has gone past me. Oh, should we not now consider the psychological implications of having shit like this happen and I could discover underlying wounds and/or needs that could be addressed and, perhaps, healed? Oh, no, nothing as simple as that. I want, again, to cast a spell.

Except, I don’t know how. So, the guides started coaching me. Make a rhyme, they said. I can’t, I said. They said it’s like knowing how to rap. It eventually gets easier and into your blood. They said to state what I want to have happen and work from there. They said it works better when there is a lot of emotion behind the wish. Then, they said it could either be a malevolent thing where I could wish something terrible to happen or something more benign where the idiot stops doing whatever he/she is doing that’s irritating me. I’d opt out for the stop doing, more benign version. Malevolent will likely land me in Purgatory for too long. Anyway, that was the conversation on the way to work today.

How Cool Is That?

This is a picture of The Spirit Moved Me Blog. Pretty incredible, I think. If you'd like to have a picture of your own website go to this link: http://www.aharef.info/static/htmlgraph/

Anne Rivers Siddons

I just finished reading, "Up Island" by Anne Rivers Siddons. A couple of weeks ago I'd read, "Sweetwater Creek". Thank goodness she's written a lot of books because I think I'm going to read every one. What a terrific writer.

Sensing Spirit

It’s interesting but one thing I learned after I started channeling and had made a definite connection to Spirit was that many times the feeling of being connected to Spirit isn’t all that strong.  Many times it’s the flashing touch of your mother’s hands on your face or on your shoulders and then, it’s gone.  You think, “Well, I think she was here, but I must be imagining it.”  I’d felt those things before, but had discounted them totally, thinking I was just imagining them.  Now, I honor those feelings.  Yeah, that was Mom.  And, yeah, that was your mom too.  And, yeah, I still cry when it happens.  

A Factoid

Here’s something that was easily solved.  I switched from Metamucil to Citrucel and stopped farting.  Now, how cool is that?

More Guide Talk

No matter how you struggle and thrash against the forces of your life path it will be accomplished in the end.  The question is how will you ride this fine horse?  Will you be a sedate rider or will you hold on for dear life upon a bucking horse?.  It’s the same horse.  You have the freedom of choice and you can choose how you would live your life.  You can argue until you are blue in the face that you have not had the first advantage or break and that all opportunities to come your way have been bad ones or you can make the decision that you will do the best you can with what you have to make a good life for yourself and for those who love you.  Either way you will be upon the face of the earth for your allotted span of days.  It’s your choice how you will live them.  

You Might Not Need a Psychic

One of the things that I do now is to have a newsletter each month. It’s been about a year that I’ve been doing it and as time has gone by it has begun to evolve. What has been going on is that some of the things I write about I have decided to try out as a regular column each newsletter. One of these is called, “You Might Not Need a Psychic” What this particular section of the newsletter concerns is about how a person can do the psychic thing for themselves.

Much of what I am about is to teach people to do psychic things themselves and having that become a permanent section of my newsletter appealed to me. Granted, there would be varying degrees of success with any of those activities, but I think taking them out of the realm of totally mysterious and plunking it all down into a normal part of life was the right thing to do.