Sunday, February 19, 2006

I want a Drink

I’ve been in an odd mood this morning.  I think it started last night.  Maybe I just want a drink.  What I want is that altered state of mind I used to get when I drank.  I’m sure you’ve all seen them…those really obnoxious drunks?  Who won’t stop talking?  Well, from your point of view we look disgusting.  From our point of view we are uninhibited.  We are witty.  We are wise beyond our years.  In short, we vibrate with a scintillating energy that we normally don’t show to the world.  We come out from beneath our shells.  

Okay, so I don’t drink anymore.  And, I never was very witty.  Nor will I ever be.  But, somehow, I’m seeking an altered state.  I need it.  I can smell it.  It’s a place where I can go to be myself.  It’s a place I can go to where people won’t laugh at me.  It’s a place I can go where I am understood.  I need to get to this place without the use of pills or of booze.  Crap, I don’t even smoke anymore and that was good for something.

Actually, when I drank I spoke German quite well and could type like the wind.  My boss was always impressed when I said I’d return to the office to type up a storm.  At least, he laughed.  I wonder what it is…what buttons get pushed…what neurons get resized.  On the quote of the day yesterday George Carlin said electricity was just organized lightening.  That’s the place I want to go to.  I realize it’s probably just as lonely a place as the place I’m in now.  Not that I want for company.  I’m a hermit.  Just my husband and my cats and some long distance friends and family and I’m happy.  So, it’s not that I need to be invited to a party in order to be complete.  Besides, I’ve got all those Folks in Spirit to talk to.  So, I’m not lonely that way.  It’s just that when a person is being creative they don’t do it with other people around.  At least, that’s how I do it.  I realize that I’ve probably just branded myself as NOT A TEAM PLAYER.  Fine.  I’m not.  I do not fit into the corporate world.  I work on the fringes for a company that’s been around for 50 years and my work and what I do in my off time are totally separate.  

I’m a Virgo.  I’ll work my heart out.  And, I do.  But, something is off kilter this morning.  Shit.  I hope we’re not going to be having an earth quake.  Oh, I just did my biorhythms.  Intellectually, I’m in the toilet this morning….I should have had a drink.

1 comment:

hipchickmamma said...

i hope things are better and brighter today.

nothing witty or deep to say...i just hope it's getting better.